Take a walk...

I am a big fan of hiking and walking and anything that involves being outdoors, so naturally I encourage my son to hike and walk as well. After a long summer, where we have done all our outdoor activities during the day, the days are getting shorter and the sun actually sets before his bed-time. So last night, we finished dinner and he was about to continue in his nighttime routine of a little bit of play, bath and then bed-time-cuddles,when we went ahead and surprised him with an evening walk. He had so much fun!
I encourage you to take a half hour to 45 minutes out of your evening and take the kids out walking.
There are fun things to discover like:

- different shapes throw different shadows

- trees make shadows that can look like...let your imagination run free

- one of our favorites is watching stars. Have your kids try to count them...if they are older , see if they can find constellations. You can prepare that by going online and looking at what the different constellations look like:
http://www.fcps.edu/DIS/OHSICS/planet/constell/constell.htm

- Take a flashlight with you and every time you see something a little further away
that is a little harder to recognize, go ahead and have everyone guess what it could be and then find out by shining the light on it.

Oh, the little angels...well, most the time anyway.

written by Nadine Clifton

Today I want to talk about the very precise timing that children have. Because most temper tantrums don't come along when you are sitting on the couch, relaxing with a cup of coffee and you would actually have the time and the patience to deal with a screaming child.
No, we all know that on the day when you have the most stuff to day, racing from one thing to the next, stressing out to the last of your abilities! Everything will go great, you just have one more stop and then you can go home and unwind, because your strength has really been worn out for the day. Just a few items to pick up from the store...and then you are done, and really you are done!
Just as you are almost at the end of your day, your precious little angel, that has been so great all day, decides: Hey, after this much sunshine, we are going to have a little bit of rain, mom!
There you are, in the store, a screaming child in front of you, you feel like the whole world is looking at you, whispering about your skills as a parent, and you feel your last bit of patience slipping away.
We have all been there! You feel helpless and there is this feeling starting up in the pit of your stomach...frustration! How do you deal with your child in a situation like this, without causing an even bigger scene?

Well, first of all: It doesn't matter what other people think! Ignore them!

The most important thing is to keep cool. Take a deep breath and try to think clearly. Keep your frustration under control, because you are showing your child in this situation how to deal with frustration. So, spanking or any other form of physical punishment is the wrong choice for this problem!

Don't start negotiating, yelling or worst or all giving them what they want! If one tamper tantrum works for a little on, then there will be a whole lot more and they will be worse every time!

Sometimes simply ignoring the child's tantrum can be very affective. Just go about your duties as if there wasn't a screaming little terror right next to you. I know that can be hard, but it has proven to work in many cases. One thing you want to keep in mind for younger children is to never leave them behind, while ignoring them. That will put a feeling of abandonment right on top of all the other overwhelming feelings they are already experiencing, so just stay within sight.

While ignoring their big fit, try to distract them. My son has, on several occasions, started to throw a nice fit and I just started looking for things that might capture his attention. So if I would see a fire truck or a puppy or a picture of Elmo...anything to distract them.
Try to involve them, like: "Should we buy the cereal with strawberries or the one with raisins?" Don't ask: Should we buy cereal?" The answer to that will be: NO
However, be careful not to point to something they are going to want to have immediately! Do not reward if the tantrum stops! You do not want your child to think that this type of behavior gets him rewards!

If the ignoring and the distracting doesn't work, then there is only one thing left to do: Take them out of the situation! Take them to the car, or a quiet room or corner and talk to them. By the time kids are put into a different situation, they have already calmed down a lot, and it'll be easier to talk about what happened. If they haven't calmed down, then sometimes you just have to wait for a little while, because while throwing a tantrum, there is no reasoning with a child!

Let us take a quick look at why kids throw tantrums. If you know the reason behind the big outbreak of frustration it will be easier for you to put yourself in their shoes and understand them a little better.
There are a few things that can set of a tantrum:

~exhaustion, if you kids are tired the tantrums will come much easier and without much warning

~Hunger

~seeking attention, and if your child wants attention bad enough, it doesn't matter to them what they get. Either positive or negative attention are fine with them.

~Frustration! They feel like the whole world is against them, they can't get something or someone they want, they don't know how else to express it....

To avoid such tantrums in public, keep a few things in mind:
If you have a really busy day ahead of you try to prepare your child. I like to tell my son the list of things that we have to do the next day and at the end of the list I will put something fun like: bank, post office, haircut, lunch with daddy, shopping, vet and then ice cream with mommy, or go to the playground or the park...
anything that will stick in your child's head. And then the next day my son knows what is next, because the whole evening before he will repeat the list and and the end his voice will get all high and squeaky when he tells everyone what he can do the next day.

Try not to pack your days too full. Children get tired and when your child is already grumpy and tired before you go to the store, then unless you absolutely have to go skip the store and go the next day. It is hard for a child to keep up with an adult-schedule.

Good luck and let me know if you have helpful hints to the matter.

Silly Face Sandwich

Hey, I just found this and if you don't know what to make your kids for lunch today, here is a great idea that will for sure make them smile:


Get your kids to eat their veggies with this tasty sandwich.


RECIPE INGREDIENTS:
Condiments (ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise)
Sandwich roll or bun
Ham or other cold cuts
Raw vegetables
Olives
Cherry tomatoes
Softened cream cheese
Cheese sticks
Cheese cubes
Carrots
Bell peppers
1. Spread your child's favorite condiment on the bottom half of a sandwich roll.

2. Add a slice of ham or another cold cut.

3. Fold a second slice of meat lengthwise so that it resembles a tongue and lay it across the bun with one end hanging over the edge.

4. Create a face on the bun top using sliced raw vegetables, olives, and cherry tomatoes for features and softened cream cheese for glue. (The cheese sticks best if you first blot dry the cut veggies with a paper towel.) You can even add a couple of cheese cube "teeth."

5. Use a potato peeler or grater to create long carrot curls to pile on top of the sandwich or push bell pepper slices into the bun for a spiky hairdo.

via:
http://jas.familyfun.go.com/recipefinder/display?id=40726

Kids Homemade Placemats

How to create a homemade placemat, that's as unique as your child!


You'll Need:
construction paper, cardstock, or poster board
one roll of contact paper or Xyron Laminate
glue Stick
photos, magazine images etc.
optional craft supplies; stickers, markers, crayons etc.

Directions
First have your children select and cut photographs
and/or magazine pictures. Attach the pictures to the
paper using a glue stick. Finish decorating the placemat
with markers, stickers and drawings.
Don't forget to write your name with bold letters.

When everything is attached and dry...cover the placemat
on both sides using the laminate paper, following the directions on the package.

These placemats also make a wonderful mother or grandmother gift!

via:
http://www.amazingmoms.com/htm/art_placemat.htm

10 Ways to make your childs Day

written by Nadine Clifton

1~ Laugh at their Jokes! You probably have heard the same "Knock-Knock-Joke"
hundreds of times, but laugh and show interest like you have never heard it
before. That is a huge confidence-booster for kids.

2~ PRAISE them! Children don't only need that when they have done something
extraordinary! Praise them for little stuff and show them that you appreciate
their good behavior!

3~ Don't let your child go to bed thinking that you are mad at him/her! It is very
important for kids to go to bed knowing that everything is ok. So, even if there
is a big issue, that is making everyone upset, make sure you tell your child
before they go to sleep that you love them and that you will talk about
everything the next day, when you have had a little bit of time to think about
stuff.

4~ Involve them in daily decision's and errands. For instance, this is what we have
in the Fridge and pantry: What could we make for dinner?
On the Way to the grocery store give them three items to remember. My son
actually loves doing that and there has been a few times when we have been at the
store and I really would have forgotten one of those things, had it not been for
my son yelling: Mom, the milk! We have to get milk!
Let them pick what they are wearing that day, making them aware of the weather and
such.

5~ Scoop them up or give them a hug out of the middle of nowhere and tell them that
you love them!

6~ Spend time together. That is still the best way to bond with your child. Find out
what they would like to go do and then do that with them.

7~ Surprise them! That never has to be anything big. Is there something small that
you know they have been thinking about for a while? Did they do something really
nice? Surprise them and enjoy that big smile on their faces! We have a wooden
surprise box on our coffee-table. It is not very big, so every once in a while
I'll put a little piece of candy in there or a tiny toy or just something small
that I think my son would enjoy. he checks the box quit frequently and man is he
ever so excited when there is something in it!

8~ The cold weather is coming closer...so grab the family, make some hot chocolate
and some snacks and cuddle everyone up under a blanket. Read a good book
together, watch the fire or look at Family videos....

9~ Be silly! Oh, do Kids get a kick out of this. Play the mirror-Game, where you
imitate everything they do.
Or dress up in silly hats at the store, one of my sons favorites, and then we do
funny voices and faces. But remember, there is an end to every silliness, cause
other wise it can get a bit chaotic.

10~Get down to their Level. Try to always look at your child and bring yourself down
to their Level when you are talking to them, especially when it is about
something important. It is a lot less intimidating to them and it is much easier
for them to tell you something when they have your full attention. It lets them
know that what they have to say matters to you.

Paper Bag Puppets

Enchanted Learning Software's
Paper Bag Puppets
More Kinder Crafts
Very simple puppets made from small paper lunch bags. You can make a raccoon, dog, cat, rabbit, bunny, mouse, pig, panda, or frog.

Supplies needed: Paper bags
Scraps of construction paper
Glue
Scissors
Markers or crayons
Optional - googly eyes, pipe cleaners for whiskers


Frog:

Make bulging frog eyes by cutting two strips of green paper that are rounded on one end. Fold the straight end under (at the dotted line), and glue on an eye (made of paper or a googly eye).
Glue or tape the folded base of the eyes onto the paper bag.
Cut a long tongue out of paper. Glue in in the frog's mouth.
Frog
Glue on two short arms and two long legs, and decorate the frog with green paper patches.


Raccoon, Dog or Bear:

Fold the two square edges of a paper bag under (at the dotted lines), to form the animal's head.
You now have the shape of the animal's head.
Raccoon
Cut out ears, eyes, and a nose. Glue them to the raccoon's face.
Dog
Cut out ears, eyes, a nose, and a tongue. Glue the tongue inside the mouth. Glue the eyes, nose, and ears to the dog's face.
Brown Bear
Cut out ears, eyes, and paws. Glue them to the bear. Using a black crayon or marker, draw a nose and mouth. Cut out tiny claws and glue then to the paws.


Bunny, Panda, Pig or Polar Bear :

Fold the two square edges of a paper bag under (at the dotted lines), to form the animal's head.
You now have the shape of the animal's head.

Bunny
Cut out long, pink ears, eyes, a nose, and paws. Glue them to the bunny.
Panda
Cut out ears, eyes, a nose, and paws. Glue them to the panda.
Pig
Cut out ears, eyes, a snout, and paws. Glue them to the pig.
Polar Bear
Cut out ears, eyes, and paws. Glue them to the polar bear. Using a black crayon or marker, draw a nose and mouth. Cut out tiny claws and glue then to the paws.


Mouse or Cat:

Fold the two square edges of a paper bag under (at the dotted lines), to form the animal's pointed snout.
You now have the shape of the animal's head.
Mouse
Cut out ears, eyes, a nose, and whiskers (made of thin paper strips or pipe cleaners threaded through the paper bag). Glue them to the mouse.
Cat
Cut out ears, eyes, a nose, paws, and whiskers (made of thin paper strips or pipe cleaners threaded through the paper bag). Glue them to the cat.

via:
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/puppets/paperbag/

How TV affects your child

I came across this article today and I wanted to share it with you. It really outlines all the important issues about TV. I really enjoyed that it gives helpful Alternatives to cut the TV-time down to a acceptable Limit. Enjoy and let me know what you think.



Most children plug into the world of television long before they enter school: 70% of child-care centers use TV during a typical day. In a year, the average child spends 900 hours in school and nearly 1,023 hours in front of a TV.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), kids in the United States watch about 4 hours of TV a day - even though the AAP guidelines say children older than 2 should watch no more than 1 to 2 hours a day of quality programming.

And, according to the guidelines, children under age 2 should have no "screen time" (TV, DVDs or videotapes, computers, or video games) at all. During the first 2 years, a critical time for brain development, TV can get in the way of exploring, learning, and spending time interacting and playing with parents and others, which helps young children develop the skills they need to grow cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally.

Of course, television, in moderation, can be a good thing: Preschoolers can get help learning the alphabet on public television, grade schoolers can learn about wildlife on nature shows, and parents can keep up with current events on the evening news. No doubt about it - TV can be an excellent educator and entertainer.

But despite its advantages, too much television can be detrimental:

Research has shown that children who consistently spend more than 4 hours per day watching TV are more likely to be overweight.
Kids who view violent events, such as a kidnapping or murder, are also more likely to believe that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them.
Research also indicates that TV consistently reinforces gender-role and racial stereotypes.
Children's advocates are divided when it comes to solutions. Although many urge for more hours per week of educational programming, others assert that no TV is the best solution. And some say it's better for parents to control the use of TV and to teach children that it's for occasional entertainment, not for constant escapism.

That's why it's so important for you to monitor the content of TV programming and set viewing limits to ensure that your child doesn't spend time watching TV that should be spent on other activities, such as playing with friends, exercising, and reading.

Violence
To give you perspective on just how much violence kids see on TV, consider this: The average American child will witness 200,000 violent acts on television by age 18. TV violence sometimes begs for imitation because violence is often demonstrated and promoted as a fun and effective way to get what you want.

And as the AAP points out, many violent acts are perpetrated by the "good guys," whom children have been taught to emulate. Even though children are taught by their parents that it's not right to hit, television says it's OK to bite, hit, or kick if you're the good guy. And even the "bad guys" on TV aren't always held responsible or punished for their actions.

The images children absorb can also leave them traumatized and vulnerable. According to research, children ages 2 to 7 are particularly frightened by scary-looking things like grotesque monsters. Simply telling children that those images aren't real won't console them, because they can't yet distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Kids ages 8 to 12 are frightened by the threat of violence, natural disasters, and the victimization of children, whether those images appear on fictional shows, the news, or reality-based shows. Reasoning with children this age will help them, so it's important to provide reassuring and honest information to help ease your child's fears. However, you may want to avoid letting your child view programs that he or she may find frightening.

Risky Behaviors
TV is chock full of programs and commercials that often depict risky behaviors such as sex and substance abuse as cool, fun, and exciting. And often, there's no discussion about the consequences of drinking alcohol, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, and having premarital sex.

For example, studies have shown that teens who watch lots of sexual content on TV are more likely to initiate intercourse or participate in other sexual activities earlier than peers who don't watch sexually explicit shows.

Alcohol ads on TV have actually increased over the last few years and more underage children are being exposed to them than ever. A recent study conducted by the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth (CAMY) at Georgetown University found that the top 15 teen-oriented programs in 2003 had alcohol ads.

And although they've banned cigarette ads on television, kids and teens can still see plenty of people smoking on programs and movies airing on TV. This kind of "product placement" makes behaviors like smoking and drinking alcohol seem acceptable. In fact, kids who watch 5 or more hours of TV per day are far more likely to begin smoking cigarettes than those who watch less than the recommended 2 hours a day.

Obesity
Health experts have long linked excessive TV-watching to obesity - a significant health problem today. While watching TV, children are inactive and tend to snack. They're also bombarded with advertising messages that encourage them to eat unhealthy foods such as potato chips and empty-calorie soft drinks that often become preferred snack foods.

Too much educational TV has the same indirect effect on children's health. Even if children are watching 4 hours of quality educational television, that still means they're not exercising, reading, socializing, or spending time outside.

But studies have shown that decreasing the amount of TV children watched led to less weight gain and lower body mass index (BMI - a measurement derived from someone's weight and height).

Commercials
According to the AAP, children in the United States see 40,000 commercials each year. From the junk food and toy advertisements during Saturday morning cartoons to the appealing promos on the backs of cereal boxes, marketing messages inundate kids of all ages. And to them, everything looks ideal - like something they simply have to have. It all sounds so appealing - often, so much better than it really is.

Under the age of 8 years, most children don't understand that commercials are for selling a product. Children 6 years and under are unable to distinguish program content from commercials, especially if their favorite character is promoting the product. Even older children may need to be reminded of the purpose of advertising.

Of course, it's nearly impossible to eliminate all exposure to marketing messages. You can certainly turn off the TV or at least limit kids' watching time, but they'll still see and hear advertisements for the latest gizmos and must-haves at every turn.

But what you can do is teach your child to be a savvy consumer by talking about what he or she thinks about the products being advertised as you're watching TV together. Ask thought-provoking questions like, "What do you like about that?," "Do you think it's really as good as it looks in that ad?," and "Do you think that's a healthy choice?"

Explain, when your child asks for products he or she sees advertised, that commercials and other ads are designed to make people want things they don't necessarily need. And these ads are often meant to make us think that these products will make us happier somehow. Talking to kids about what things are like in reality can help put things into perspective.

To limit your child's exposure to TV commercials, the AAP recommends that you:

Have your kids watch public television stations (some programs are sponsored - or "brought to you" - by various companies, although the products they sell are rarely shown).
Tape programs - without the commercials.
Buy or rent children's videos or DVDs.
Understanding TV Ratings and the V-Chip
Two ways you can help monitor what your child watches are:

TV Parental Guidelines. Modeled after the movie rating system, this is an age-group rating system developed for TV programs. These ratings are listed in television guides, TV listings in your local newspaper, and on the screen in your cable program guide. They also appear in the upper left-hand corner of the screen during the first 15 seconds of TV programs. But not all channels offer the rating system. For those that do, the ratings are:

TV-Y: suitable for all children
TV-Y7: directed toward kids 7 years and older (children who are able to distinguish between make-believe and reality); may contain "mild fantasy violence or comedic violence" that may scare younger kids
TV-Y7-FV: fantasy violence may be more intense in these programs than others in the TV-Y7 rating
TVG: suitable for a general audience; not directed specifically toward children, but contains little to no violence, sexual dialogue or content, or strong language
TV-PG: parental guidance suggested; may contain an inappropriate theme for younger children and contains one or more of the following: moderate violence (V), some sexual situations (S), occasional strong language (L), and some suggestive dialogue (D)
TV-14: parents strongly cautioned - suitable for only children over the age of 14; contains one or more of the following: intense violence (V), intense sexual situations (S), strong language (L), and intensely suggestive dialogue
TV-MA: designed for adults and may be unsuitable for kids under 17; contains one or more of the following: graphic violence (V), strong sexual activity (S), and/and crude language (L)
V-chip (V is for "violence"). This technology was designed to enable you to block television programs and movies you don't want your child to see. All new TV sets that have screens of 13" or more now have internal V-chips, but set-top boxes are available for TVs made before 2000. So how exactly does the V-chip work? It allows you to program your TV to display only the appropriately-rated shows - blocking out any other, more mature shows.

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) requires that V-chips in new TVs recognize the TV Parental Guidelines and the age-group rating system and block those programs that don't adhere to these standards.

For many, the rating system and V-chip may be valuable tools. But there is some concern that the system may be worse than no system at all. For example, research shows that preteen and teen boys are more likely to want to see a program if it's rated MA (mature audience) than if it's PG (parental guidance suggested). And parents may rely too heavily on these tools and stop monitoring what their children are watching.

Also, broadcast news, sports, and commercials aren't rated, although they often present depictions of violence and sexuality. The rating system also doesn't satisfy some family advocates who complain that they fail to give enough information about a program's content to allow parents to make informed decisions about whether a show is appropriate for their child.

So even if you've used the V-chip to program your TV or a show features the age-group ratings, it's still important to preview shows to determine whether they're appropriate for your child and turn off the TV if the content becomes inappropriate for your child.

Teaching Your Child Good TV Habits
Here are some practical ways you can make TV-viewing more productive in your home:

Limit the number of TV-watching hours:
Stock the room in which you have your TV with plenty of other non-screen entertainment (books, kids' magazines, toys, puzzles, board games, etc.) to encourage your child to do something other than watch the tube.
Keep TVs out of your child's bedroom.
Turn the TV off during meals.
Don't allow your child to watch TV while doing homework.
Treat TV as a privilege that your child needs to earn - not a right to which he or she is entitled. Tell your child that TV-viewing is allowed only after chores and homework are completed.
Try a weekday ban. Schoolwork, sports activities, and job responsibilities make it tough to find extra family time during the week. Record weekday shows or save TV time for weekends, and you'll have more family togetherness time to spend on meals, games, physical activity, and reading during the week.
Set a good example by limiting your own television viewing.
Check the TV listings and program reviews ahead of time for programs your family can watch together (i.e., developmentally appropriate and nonviolent programs that reinforce your family's values). Choose shows, says the AAP, that foster interest and learning in hobbies and education (reading, science, etc.).
Preview programs before your child watches them.
Come up with a family TV schedule that you all agree upon each week. Then, post the schedule in a visible area (i.e., on the refrigerator) somewhere around the house so that everyone knows which programs are OK to watch and when. And make sure to turn off the TV when the "scheduled" program is over, instead of channel surfing until something gets your or your child's interest.
Watch TV with your child. If you can't sit through the whole program, at least watch the first few minutes to assess the tone and appropriateness, then check in throughout the show.
Talk to your child about what he or she sees on TV and share your own beliefs and values. If something you don't approve of appears on the screen, you can turn off the TV, then use the opportunity to ask your child thought-provoking questions such as, "Do you think it was OK when those men got in that fight? What else could they have done? What would you have done?" Or, "What do you think about how those teenagers were acting at that party? Do you think what they were doing was wrong?" If certain people or characters are mistreated or discriminated against, talk about why it's important to treat everyone equal, despite their differences. You can use TV to explain confusing situations and express your feelings about difficult topics (sex, love, drugs, alcohol, smoking, work, behavior, family life). Teach your child to question and learn from what he or she views on TV.
Talk to other parents, your child's doctor, and your child's teachers about their TV-watching policies and kid-friendly programs they'd recommend.
Offer fun alternatives to television. If your child wants to watch TV, but you want him or her to turn off the tube, suggest that you and your child play a board game, start a game of hide and seek, play outside, read, work on crafts or hobbies, or listen and dance to music. The possibilities for fun without the tube are endless - so turn off the TV and enjoy the quality time you'll have to spend with your child.
Updated and reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: February 2005
Originally reviewed by: Steve Dowshen, MD

via:
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/tv_affects_child.html

Crafty Foliage Friends

Here is a fun way to spend some time together outside and then inside. Perfect Family activity! Display your works of art somewhere after you are done. That just makes them feel so proud!

Use your imagination (and some paper, glue, and a pen or pencil) to turn ordinary backyard leaves into a whimsical menagerie. CRAFT MATERIALS:
Autumn leaves from your yard
Paper
Glue
Pencils, pens, or crayons

Time needed: About 2 to 3 Hours
1. Go outside and see what kinds of animals are hiding in your leaf piles. Below are some possibilities. When you've found leaves in your yard whose shapes you like, glue them to pieces of paper and use pencil, pen or crayon to make your creatures complete. To preserve your creations, press them between two books.

2. MAPLE: These leaves have three main points and lots of smaller ones; count them as they flutter by.

3. ROSE: The rounded shape of this bush's leaves makes them look a lot like little shields.

4. BIRCH: As big and tall as this white-bark tree can get, its leaves are as small and as light as feathers.

5. GERANIUM: You might flip your wig if you find one of these wild-looking leaves in your yard.

6. BARBERRY: While this plant doesn't live underwater, its leaves resemble raindrops.
via:
http://jas.familyfun.go.com/arts-and-crafts?page=CraftDisplay&craftid=11527

Homemade changeble Carryall tins

Cool idea for a rainy afternoon for your little school kids. It encourages creativity and Uniqueness! No one else will have one just like them.


Need a handy place to stash lunch money, notes, or other small but important items? These personalized, changeable tins are just the thing. CRAFT MATERIALS:
Small, empty metal box, such as the kind Altoids mints come in
Paper
Adhesive-backed magnetic sheet
Colored pencils or markers

Time needed: Under 1 Hour
1. Trace the top of the tin onto both the paper and the magnetic sheet, then draw and color a design on the paper.

2. Cut out both shapes, remove the backing from the magnet, and stick the drawing to it.

3. Set the decorated magnet on the top of the tin, then fill the tin with all those very important things.

via:
http://jas.familyfun.go.com/arts-and-crafts?page=CraftDisplay&craftid=11491

The Controversy of Television

written by Nadine Clifton

A very difficult subject of parenting is television.
I myself have a very clear opinion on the matter.
I do not let my son watch anything that is not age appropriate and that I have not seen myself and if I am not sure how he will react to certain things then I sit down and watch the movie with him.
We have a very clear time limit in our house regarding TV. He may watch a half hour right before lunch and a half hour before dinner. The less the better.
As with most rules there are exceptions to the matter. However, if I know that we are planning to watch a movie together as a family that night then I cut his TV time during the day and let him do something else that is fun instead.
To me TV is a dangerous matter of conversation, because it is easy to fall into either extreme.
Many Parents do not let their children watch any TV! I think that the basic thought of that concept is a good one, because, as proven in many studies, Television for children can cause harmful consequences:
"Several recent [2005] studies show that the quality of the content that children watch on television matches closely with their later level of academic success. Watching less TV increases a child’s likelihood of successfully finishing university, although watching higher quality programmes with educational content can help children achieve academically."

"Between the ages of five and eleven the less television watched, the greater the probability of success at school and beyond. This finding is amplified for the middle, ‘average’ range of intelligence. Having a television in the bedroom is also likely to contribute to lower grades or even failure.
via:
http://www.abelard.org/tv/tv.htm#kids_tv_100705
Decades of studies have linked childhood hours in front of the TV with aggressive behaviour, earlier sexual activity, smoking, obesity, and poor school performance. The research has lead the American Academy of Pediatrics to suggest children watch no more than 2 hours of TV per day and that children under 2 years old watch none at all."
...
"So Robert Hancox at the University of Otago in New Zealand and colleagues studied nearly 1000 children born in Dunedin, NZ, in 1972 and 1973. The researchers gathered data from both parents and children on how many hours a day were each spent watching TV at age 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 and 15. The team then re-evaluated participants at the age of 26.

Drop outs
Kids who watched the least TV – especially between the ages of 5 and 11 – had the highest probability of graduating from university by the age of 26, regardless of IQ or socioeconomic status. While those who watched the most TV, more than 3 hours per day, had the highest chance of dropping out of school without qualifications.

Furthermore, the effects seemed to be strongest for those who had a median IQ level, probably because the outcomes for the children at either IQ extreme are less likely to be affected by TV watching.

Two other studies, also published in the July issue of Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine found similar results. Dina Borzekowski at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health and colleagues found that Northern Californian third-graders - aged about 8 - with a TV in their bedroom watched more TV and performed worse on standardised tests than classmates without a bedroom TV."

via:
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7626

So, I very well understand Parents, who have decided to cut TV out of their household.
Then there is the other extreme. In some Families the TV is constantly on. Kids ca watch it as they please, and even if no one is watching the TV is on.
I do not agree with either of those methods. For my family a in between has proven to work the best.
Now of course, as all of you, I want my son to be successful in Life. So, knowing about these studies his time in front of the TV has been cut down to minimum and instead I encourage him to play with toys, paint, play outside or help me with stuff(which is still so much fun at that age...I know that'll change). I want him to be able to use his brain and be creative. It is so very important for their development to be able to play alone and come up with stuff to do.
We don't have Cable or Satellite. We have a TV to watch DVDs on, but nothing else.
Here is why: Today's Kids shows are becoming more and more violent. Now I know there is some very good and educational stuff out there, but those things I buy on DVD and let my son watch it on his time. Have you sat through a few kids TV-shows lately? The commercials that come on rather frequently are shocking to me. They are usually not age appropriate!
My concept is about the fine line in between!
I know this is a subject that I could write on and on about, but instead I am very interested to find out how you feel on this Controversy. To your left is a poll matching this post, that I would like to include in our conversation.
Thank you.

101 Ways to praise a child

I saw this hanging in the kitchen of one of my friends. I love these 101 easy ways to show your child that you love them and that they are importent to you. Let's be honest, sometimes, in the middle of all that daily-life-craziness it is hard to find the right words all the time to let them know just how much they mean to us!
So, here you go...a word for every situation!

WOW • WAY TO GO • SUPER • YOU'RE SPECIAL • OUTSTANDING • EXCELLENT •
GREAT• GOOD • NEAT • WELL DONE • REMARKABLE • I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT • I'M PROUD OF YOU • FANTASTIC • SUPER STAR • NICE WORK • LOOKING GOOD • YOU'RE ON TOP OF IT • BEAUTIFUL • NOW YOU'RE FLYING • YOU'RE CATCHING ON • NOW YOU'VE GOT IT • YOU'RE INCREDIBLE • BRAVO • YOU'RE FANTASTIC • HURRAY FOR YOU • YOU'RE ON TARGET • YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY • HOW NICE • HOW SMART • GOOD JOB • THAT'S INCREDIBLE • HOT DOG • DYNAMITE • YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL • YOU'RE UNIQUE • NOTHING CAN STOP YOU NOW • GOOD FOR YOU • I LIKE YOU YOU'RE A WINNER • REMARKABLE JOB • BEAUTIFUL WORK • SPECTACULAR • YOU'RE SPECTACULAR • YOU'RE DARLING • YOU'RE PRECIOUS • GREAT DISCOVERY • YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE SECRET • YOU FIGURED IT OUT • FANTASTIC JOB • HIP, HIP, HURRAY • BINGO • MAGNIFICENT • MARVELOUS • TERRIFIC • YOU'RE IMPORTANT • PHENOMENAL • YOU'RE SENSATIONAL • SUPER WORK • CREATIVE JOB • SUPER JOB • FANTASTIC JOB • EXCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE • YOU'RE A REAL TROOPER • YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE • YOU ARE EXCITING • YOU LEARNED IT RIGHT • WHAT AN IMAGINATION •WHAT A GOOD LISTENER • YOU ARE FUN • YOU'RE GROWING UP • YOU TRIED HARD • YOU CARE • BEAUTIFUL SHARING • OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE • YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND • I TRUST YOU • YOU'RE IMPORTANT • YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME • YOU MAKE ME HAPPY • YOU BELONG • YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND • YOU MAKE ME LAUGH • YOU BRIGHTEN MY DAY • I RESPECT YOU • YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME • THAT'S CORRECT • YOU'RE A JOY • YOU'RE A TREASURE • YOU'RE WONDERFUL • YOU'RE PERFECT • AWESOME • A+ JOB • YOU'RE A-OK MY BUDDY • YOU MADE MY DAY • THAT'S THE BEST • A BIG HUG • A BIG KISS • SAY I LOVE YOU!

Logical approach brings love into discipline

Key to method:
Involve children in decision-making

By Kathryn Richert
Enterprise Staff Writer

Four years ago, Principal Larry Leatherman was fed up with disciplining kids who entered his office.
He said his accusatory, in-your-face style of discipline wasn't working for him or his students.
That was until he welcomed Love and Logic ion his normally tense office at Emerald Elementary School.
When he learned about the Love and Logic style of parenting and educating, he was skeptical, but he gave it a chance out of desperation. What he learned were practical ways of disciplining he thought could work.
Essentially, the Love and Logic program provides discipline alternatives during those unpleasant times when adults have to face kids who don't want to go to bed or don;t want to pick up their toys or don't want to play nice on the playground.
Instead of yelling, which causes stress for kids and adults, Love and Logic teaches alternatives to help parents and kids feel in control of the situation, Leatherman said.
One of the philosophies behind the program, founded in 1977 by former school principal Jim Fay, is kids respond best to discipline when they're given choices.
Leatherman took the practical advice to heart.
If children are sent to his office for fighting, for example, instead of immediately going into mean principal mode, he lets them talk. he listens and responds in an empathetic voice, "Ahh, man. What a bummer."
Then he gives the responsibility back to the students, telling him it is not his problem and they need to fix it, but he's there to help.
He uses key phrases such as, "What do you think about this?" and "How can you fix this?"
He gives them choices, explaining that kids in similar situations have been expelled or been held back grade. He asks the kids what the you think about that. He gives consequences, not punishment options, which makes them feel less threatened and like they are in charge. In tun, Leatherman said, there is less of a power struggle.
When kids feel like adults are on their side, they are more likely to remedy the situation themselves, he said.
"It's not a cure-all," Leatherman said. "But,it works. I use it almost every single day."

Another philosophy of the approach is that love and empathy are the best ways to discipline so a problem can be turned into a learning experience.

Parents might say, "I love you to much to fight," Leatherman said.

Using Love and Logic, adults set firm rules, but they don't lecture or threaten, Leatherman said.

Leatherman believes in the program so much, he became a certified Love and Logic instructor. For the past three years, he's provided free classes using videotapes, discussions and other activities for parents and educators at Emerald.

Donna Schatz is another adult who was tired of yelling, so the Broomfield mother of two enrolled in Joanna Stith's six-week Love and Logic course.

Schatz said implementing the principles she learned in Stith's six-week course has been challenging, especially with a 2-year-old. But she said she's already seen the effects.

When her 2-year-old son recently ripped the nose off his sister's stuffed, rocking dog, instead of yelling and putting him in time out,Schatz said in an understanding voice, "That's not being very nice. You hurt her. I think you're going to have to help me fix it."

To Schatz's surprise, it worked. her son helped her tape the dog's nose back on without tears and without a fight.
Using the method, kids still learn there are consequences to their actions, but without the headache so many parents face when reprimanding, Stith said.

Stith, who recommends the class for parents with children ages 3 to 16, said the key is to instill lessons early to help kids' make the right choices when they are older.

"The basis of this is to build that relationship with your child," so that when your child is faced with drinking, not bedtime, he or she will make the right choice, she said.


This was send to me not too long ago out of a newspaper in the Denver, Colorado, area.
I find this concept very interesting and I must say that it is very close to my concept of Communication, Choice and Consequence.
I think the Love and Logic concept has wonderful points and I can't wait to hear what you think about it. Let's open this discussion!

Have some fun...make some pizza

This is something that not only my son enjoys doing.
My husband is actually usually the one who requests this family night.
We love pizza, however....we usually do not like the same things on our pizza. So, inspired by Elmo on his DVD "the magic cookbook" we started to make our own pizza.
It is so much fun for the kids to create their own pizza and I have to be honest: it is so much fun to be in the kitchen with my husband and son and everyone is just having a great time. Your children will love being "big helpers". So I want to encourage you to try it out. Here are some helpful hints on how to make it a fun night and also a very easy and quick Dough recipe.
Have fun and enjoy a great night with the family!

1~ the dough has to be made an hour in advance, so keep that in mind.

2~ unless your children are already a little bit older - gather and prepare all the toppings before your little helpers enter the kitchen, because it will save you some chaos and a lot of mess!

3~ try having your kids make silly faces with the toppings on the pizza

4~ while the pizza is in the oven: we made the mess together we clean it up together.

Here is the Recipe:

1 package active dry yeast 1 1/2 tsp. salt
3 1/4 cups flour, sifted 1/2 tsp. sugar
1 cup very warm water

1. Dissolve yeast and sugar in warm water. Let stand for 10 min.
2. Stir flour and salt in large bowl an make a well in the center.
Add yeast and sugar mixture to well and mix to create a firm dough.
3. Place dough on lightly floured surface and knead for 5 to 10 minutes until it is smooth and elastic. Place dough back in bowl, cover and let stand for 45 to 60 minutes or until size of dough has doubled.

I usually double the recipe and that makes three good sized pizzas. that way we all have left overs for the next day.

Fun Family Games for any Occasion

Waiting Games

by Charlotte Meryman
Try readers' favorite strategies for fending off the fidgets during unexpected delays
1 of 4
Whether you're awaiting dinner at your favorite restaurant or your turn at the doctor's office, try our readers' favorite strategies for fending off the fidgets during unexpected delays.

EATERY ACTIVITIES
Put these activities on the menu next time your family is waiting for food to arrive.

Restaurant Menu Challenge: Create a Word
As a writer, Debbie Swanson of Westford, Massachusetts, has always been fascinated by language. So in restaurants she picks an interesting item on the menu and challenges her family to see how many new words they can make from the letters in the dish's name. When her kids were younger, she chose smaller words. And, she says, "We didn't get too hung up on spelling things perfectly -- phonetically was fine." Nowadays, the game often turns into a spirited competition, with her kids vying to come up with the longest list.

Restaurant Memory Game: Guess What's Missing
The Infantis of Germantown, Maryland, keep everyone entertained at restaurants by playing a tabletop memory game. They take turns lining up a sampling of whatever's handy (jellies, sugar packets, silverware, and the like), then one player covers his eyes and the others secretly remove two or three items. The guesser then takes a look and tries to figure out what's gone missing. Younger kids get fewer items to remember, older kids get more. For an extra challenge, says mom Dawn, "there might not be anything missing. My son's a little devious that way -- anything to trick you!"

WAITING-ROOM GAMES
Prevent kids from getting antsier than necessary at the doctor or dentist with these time-passing strategies.

Doctor's Office Distraction: Paper Play Mat
With their popular pediatrician often running late, Bethany Lyons of Greene, Maine, and her son, Ashton, age 4½, do a lot of waiting in the exam room. To keep things lively, they use crayons to draw play mats on the exam table paper. "We're not totally artistic, but we can come up with some pretty good roads," says Bethany. They decorate their mini villages with barricades, stop signs, rivers, parking lots, and police stations. Ashton then goes to town, exploring the neighborhood with the toy cars he brings along.

Waiting Room Challenge: Magazine Search
As a teenager, Tia Ward of Denton, Texas, spent a lot of time waiting in doctor's offices with her younger brother, who needed weekly allergy shots. To pass the time, she invented a game she now uses with her own kids. Tia lets each child choose a magazine, then she calls out something for the players to find in their magazine's pages -- a red car, a dessert, a swimming pool. She keeps an eye out for future search items during each round and sometimes helps by offering the page number. Bonus: "They're ages 3 and 4, and it's helping them learn those double digits," says Tia.

ANYTIME GAMES
Play these games in the car, at home -- any time of the day you want to keep kids' boredom at bay.

Group Trivia Game: Team Tic-tac-toe
Inspired by a "Hollywood Squares" game she organized for a YMCA summer camp, Kristen Pollard of New Britain, Connecticut, created a family twist on tic-tac-toe in which two teams take turns challenging each other with family trivia questions. "What's Chelsea's favorite color?" for example, or "Where did Mom and Dad go on their first date?" A correct guess wins an X or an O for your team, while a wrong one gives the move to your opponents. "My kids love this game," says Kristen. "It's a great way to bond."

Backseat Boredom Buster: Fortunately, Unfortunately
On long car rides, the Nortons of Morrison, Colorado (the creative family that came up with the "ert!" game on page 116), build a tall tale that bounces back and forth between good luck and woe. "A boy went to the store," one player might begin. "Fortunately, he brought three dollars in his pocket to buy bread and milk." The second player takes over: "Unfortunately, the money was soaking wet when he got there because it was raining." The third chimes in with another positive twist, and so on, with players alternating good and bad events. "It can get very silly and fun," says mom Alissa.

Pad and Pencil Game: Paper Route
When the Nortons of Morrison, Colorado, want to pass the time, they go for a drive on a sheet of paper. One person draws a winding road scattered with obstacles such as rocks, rivers, and bridges. Players study the map, then take turns negotiating the sketched course with their eyes closed, using a colored pen or pencil to mark their route. Should a player veer off course or hit an obstacle, spectators call "Ert!" (the sound of squealing tires). The player marks an X where he erred and ends his turn, picking up where he left off in the next round. "This game can be loud, but it's lots of fun," says mom Alissa, who invented it years ago with her high school drama buddies. "The kids never want to stop playing!"

CLASSIC ACTIVITIES
Try these never-fail stand-bys for spur-of-the-moment fun.

Linking Game
The Adamses of San Antonio, Texas, "do a lot of waiting -- at the doctor, at the pharmacy, in the car on long trips," says mom Starsha. One of their favorite pastimes is a simple linking game. "We think of a subject and take turns naming things in the category, with each new word beginning with the last letter in the previous word," she says. "Sometimes we get specific: zoo animals, farm animals, girls' names or boys' names -- those were really popular when I was pregnant!" When they run out of ideas, they just change categories.

Connect the Dots
Erin Rismiller of Versailles, Ohio, likes to play dots (also called boxes, or dots and boxes) with her daughter, Megan, age 5. "It's a game that I remember playing with my grandparents and my parents," says Erin. "I draw a bunch of dots in parallel rows and columns, and we take turns connecting pairs of dots with straight lines." Each time a player completes a box, she puts her initials inside. The one with the most initialed boxes at the end wins. "All you need is something to write with and a piece of scrap paper," says Erin. "It's even easier than tic-tac-toe."

Would You Rather?
Kooky choices are the name of the game for the Sonkas of Myrtle Creek, Oregon, who take turns selecting between pairs of unusual options. "Would you rather eat a caterpillar or a slug?" someone might ask. "Would you rather bungee jump or climb to the top of the Empire State Building?" Questions usually involve things to eat, do, or wear, or places to visit, and answers can run the gamut. "I'd rather eat a caterpillar because it wouldn't be slimy," for example. Her kids love that they can be totally silly, says mom Susan. "It doesn't have to make any sense, and there are no wrong answers."


via:
http://familyfun.go.com/games/indoor-outdoor-games/feature/0807-waiting-games/0807-waiting-games.html

Using positive Reinforcement

"If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself."
Dorothy Law Nolte

After a long day at the office, with more work facing you at home, the last thing you might feel like doing is being positive. But it is crucial that, even during conversations aimed at correcting behavior, you keep your tone positive.

What is positive communication?

Positive communication is a tool to reinforce good behavior and eliminate bad behavior; it builds self-esteem and inspires confidence in children. And it's easy — once you get the hang of it! Children's feelings of esteem are very highly influenced by their interaction and relationship with their parents. All children need to feel loved and accepted, and you can communicate those feelings to your children by the way you speak.

Once you develop the habit of consistent positive reinforcement at home, you'll see that communicating is easier, and you will also be helping your son or daughter learn to communicate with the outside world. By the time they are in elementary school, kids need the self-esteem boost gained when positive reinforcement is in practice.

Rules of the road

Face your child and maintain eye contact.
Always allow your child to finish talking and complete his statements.
"Labeling is disabling" — label the behavior instead of the child. Incorrect: "Billy, you are a bad boy." Correct: "Billy, it is irresponsible to leave your toys all over the place."
Help your child learn to talk positively.
Try to start your statements with a reinforcer, such as, "Sara, you are a very bright girl; now, let's talk about the best way to get your homework finished." People are more responsive to positive statements, but make sure your compliments are truthful. Children, as well as adults, will see through false flattery.
Correcting behavior
In the book Meta-Emotion: How Families Communicate Emotionally, by John M. Gottman, Lynn Fainsilber Katz, and Carole Hooven, the authors discuss educator and psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott's basic plan for positive reinforcement. The four basic parts are:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the child's wish.
2. State the limit calmly and clearly.
3. Point out ways that her wish may be partially fulfilled.
4. Help the child express the resentment that arises when limits are imposed. "I know you would like to watch the TV show now, but we will tape it and you can watch it after your homework."

Rewarding vs. bribing
Reinforcers vary from child to child. You should be aware of the reinforcers that your child values, and use them. Extra TV time, phone privileges, a Saturday at the mall — most kids enjoy these things. Use rewards when you feel your child has finished a difficult task, such as making the honor roll at school, getting a B (or even a C+) on a difficult test, or not arguing with her brother for two weeks. Don't confuse rewarding with bribing! You should not offer extra treats, money, or gifts for tasks you expect your child to do on a daily basis. Instead, use reinforcers and positive communication — to encourage your child to use the same form of communication with others.

Try this at home
Here are some time-tested hints for positive communication with your child.

Be firm and consistent.

Try not to force petty, time-consuming decisions, such as "Which color toothbrush do you want?"

Give your child chores when she's young. Chores build self-discipline and a sense of responsibility, but remember that she may need many calm reminders to complete them.

Accept the fact that children need to be told things over and over. If you have to repeat a direction, say it as if it were the first time.

A short list of chores is better than a long, possibly confusing or frustating list. In general, lists (in either words or pictures) are better than simply telling your child what to do, because a list addresses two learning styles — auditory and visual — and a list lets your child be in control by checking off each task as he completes it.
Remember that some kids do not process multiple requests quickly or accurately. Get your child's attention first, and never shout from one room to the other.
Speak slowly; it will help your child absorb more of what you are saying.
If your child has a learning disability, she may be disorganized, and may have trouble relating an event in proper sequence. Keep a calm, uncritical, and non-irritable manner when explaining something to your child.
James Baldwin once said, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." By being positive with your child and reinforcing the behavior you want repeated, you give her the blueprint for interacting with people outside of your home.

via: http://life.familyeducation.com/communication/behavior-modification/29734.html?page=2&detoured=1

All about the Time-Out Method

What Makes Time-Out Work (and Fail)?
by Edward Christophersen Ph.D. and Susan Mortweet VanScoyoc Ph.D.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

History of Time-Out
Ever since Charles Ferster introduced the concept of “time-out from positive reinforcement” into the literature in 1957, time-out has been one of the main procedures that parents attempt to use to discipline their children. Within a few years of Ferster’s initial research (which started with pigeons and was later applied with chimpanzees), studies on the use of time-out with children started appearing in the research literature. The initial attraction of time-out was that it was conceptualized as a non-punitive form of punishment. That is, it could be used to reduce the likelihood of a child engaging in selected behaviors without having to resort to more classical forms of punishment like spankings.

Although there are many forms of discipline, time-out has the most published outcome research of any discipline procedure. In preparing this manuscript, the authors reviewed several hundred published studies on the use of time-out. Other disciplinary procedures that were identified had very few published outcome studies, and those studies were typically with a unique population such as participants with developmental disabilities or children who were not defined as oppositional.

Most of the early research on time-out examined various aspects of the procedure such as the duration of time-out (shorter time-outs are generally as effective or more effective than longer), what to do if the child tries to leave time-out (providing a barrier is as effective as a spanking or attempting to hold the child), and the role of warnings (warnings did not increase effectiveness). Other studies found that exclusionary time-outs (physically separating child from parents) are no more effective than non-exclusionary or “sit-and-watch” time-outs; and room time-outs as a back up to disruptive behavior during time-out are more effective than a spanking.

Time-out plus time-in
Over the years, the time-out literature with children has expanded to include not only the key concept of removing available rewards, but also the importance of the ability to earn rewards with appropriate behavior. The term “time-in” refers to the circumstances outside of time-out when the child is getting a lot of positive attention from his caregivers for appropriate behavior. Historically, when some of the early researchers were working on what was referred to as “parent training” that included a discussion of discipline strategies, they included teaching parents how to be more nurturing. They would explain the concept to parents, model it for the parents, and then prompt the parents to interact more positively with the children in front of the professional who could provide immediate feedback to the parents.

In a pivotal article published in 1977, Solnick, Rincover, and Peterson compared what they referred to as “enriched time-in” with “impoverished time-in” and showed that the more enjoyable (enriched) a child’s environment, the more effective the use of time-out was as a discipline strategy. In other words, if a child’s environment is boring and unrewarding on a regular basis (impoverished time-in), it really may not feel much different than a time-out, thus reducing the likelihood that the time-out will have the desired impact on behavior.

Although the professional literature typically continues to associate time-out with the behavioral concept of unavailability of rewards, the popular press has been quick and persistent in making up rules for the use of time-out that are not evidence based and, in fact, seem to have no factual basis whatsoever!

Ferster’s pigeons never got a lecture on their way to time-out, nor did they have to say “I’m sorry” after their time-out was finished—two typical requirements of today’s children in time-out. Other classic misconceptions include that time-out cannot be used with toddlers or adolescents, that a response from the child about why he was in time-out will help him avoid the behavior the next time, and that punitive versions of time-out such as standing with one’s nose in a corner are most effective. Indeed, if one interviewed 3 different professionals or parents, 3 different versions of time-out would most likely be offered as the one to use with a child. It is perhaps the confusion surrounding the “right” way to do time-out that has led many parents to claim that “time-out doesn’t work!”

So just what are the key behavioral factors of time-out that help it succeed as a discipline strategy with children and, when absent, doom it to fail? The discussion below highlights the main components that influence the effectiveness of time-out for behavior change in children. These components are based on the initial behavioral underpinnings of Ferster, the behavioral literature in general, as well as on the clinical experience of the present authors.

Setting up a successful time-out
1. Provide an enriched, nurturing environment.
A child’s daily environment must be pleasant and full of positive attention from caregivers if time-out is going to work. In short, if a child spends most of his day being bored, ignored, belittled, and yelled at, going to time-out might not seem that much different and consequently will not change his behavior. In fact, many children will misbehave on purpose, even during time-out, just to get some kind of attention, resulting in their parent’s faulty thinking that even more severe discipline strategies are needed.

Children must experience some type of “time-in” if time-out (or any other discipline strategy) is expected to work. The rules for time-in are quite straightforward and are summarized in the sidebar.

Time-In

Rules for Time-In:

Any time your child is behaving or even just being “neutral”, provide her with positive attention.


Your attention should be brief and frequent. Most of it can be nonverbal so as not to disrupt your child’s activities.


Recognizing your child’s positive behavior must be done consistently across the day, especially when you are busy doing other things like talking on the phone or doing chores.

Make the most of the day-to-day activities parents engage in naturally with their children. Provide positive attention while riding in the car, cooking together, watching TV, completing a bedtime routine, etc
Ideas for Enriching Time-In

Verbal praise
Pat on the back
Brief back rub
“Thumbs up”
“High five”
Hug
Hand squeeze
Ideas for Time-In Activities

Play a game
Read together
Go for a walk or bike ride
Cook or bake together
Enjoy a snack together
Common Mistakes of Time-In (“Impoverished Time-In”)

Taking good behavior for granted
Ignoring good behavior because you just “expect” it to be so
Ignoring good behavior so you can “get things done” while your child isn’t causing you any problems
Only providing attention when it is convenient for you or when your child has misbehaved


2. Keep instruction for time-out short and unemotional.
Parents often make the mistake of giving a child many warnings or a long lecture before implementing a time-out. If a parent has stated a rule to the child once, the next step should be an unemotional instruction to go to time-out. In our experience, we find that using a “word per year of age” is a helpful guideline.

For example, a 3-year-old can be sent to time-out with a “time-out hitting” instruction. This seems to help parents keep in mind the more general behavioral goal of delivering the consequence closer to the behavior. Warnings only teach a child that she can misbehave at least once (or more) before she will be sent to time-out. Many parents will say that their child will only listen to them after they are on their third command (and yelling), unaware that this is what they have trained the child to expect!

Lectures also are not helpful as they interfere with the behavior-consequence connection. Furthermore, most adults talk far above the child’s cognitive capabilities, especially when lecturing. Children learn to simply tune their parents out, resulting in more frustration and less effective discipline on the part of the parent.

3. Do not provide any attention during time-out
Time-out really is not time-out unless this component is in place. Many parents will swear that they are good at ignoring their child in time-out as they tell you how they remind the child over and over why he is in time-out, how many minutes he has left, that he can only get out when they say he can get out, and so forth. Of course if the child should happen to do something unpleasant in time-out such as spit, swear, or call the parent a name, surely some attention must be paid to the new infraction.

Parents also often insist they must address a child who is laughing in time out, pretending that he likes to be there. It can be very difficult to ignore a child in time-out, especially one who is pushing all of the right buttons to make a parent angry. Given how vital this aspect of time-out is for success, however, parents must be given very clear instructions on what “ignoring” and being “unemotional” means. In our clinical practice, we tell parents not to look at, talk to, or talk about the child. We tell them to remain calm, stay in sight, and to find something distracting to do (magazine, grocery list) until the child calms down.

If possible, it can be even more effective if the child sees he is missing out on something fun. For example, a parent might continue to play with the blocks while the child is in time-out for throwing the blocks at the cat.

4. Focus on building self quieting skills versus a time limit
One mistake that a lot of parents make is that they keep children in time-out far too long. Initially, we recommend that children only need to stay in time-out until they have self-quieted, no longer. In this way, the child can learn to associate self-quieting (and not just the passing of some arbitrary amount of time) with getting out of time-out. If time-out is seen as a means of helping a child learn how to calm down, then versions of time-out can be started with toddlers.

Once a toddler (perhaps between 12 and 18 months) starts to test the limits of his exciting environment, a parent can use the simplest version of time—out—removing the child from the situation. For example, instead of slapping the hand of a toddler who is exploring the DVD player, a parent can simply move the child to another part of the room where more appropriate toys are available.

As the toddler gets older and cries with this redirection, the parent can ignore the crying behavior by not looking at or talking to the child. Of course once the crying stops or even slows to a whimper, the parent can engage the child again, thus providing the “time-in” for calming down and playing appropriately.

Once a child is in preschool or older, the same basic principles should apply. Children of this age can even “practice” time-out to learn the parent’s expectations. Time-out can take place on a step or in a chair for repetition sake as long as parents continue to focus on the self-quieting aspect and do not start to make time-out about the chair by reprimanding the child in time-out for not sitting still or correctly.

If parents are able to use time-out successfully with children when they are younger, there’s no reason in the literature why they cannot continue to use it through the school and adolescent years. With adolescents, the location of time-out and the child’s behavior during time-out is rarely a concern.

Since the family has typically been using time-out for 5-10 years by then, most adolescents will just pick a dull place to sit until they calm down. Also, by then, both parent and adolescent have been relying on time-out long enough that they both know the rules. Time-out means no phone calls, text messaging, video games, or television. Thus, no phones, MP3 players, headphones, or handheld video games are allowed. One effective addition to enhance time-out with older school age children and adolescents is “Job Grounding” which is described in detail in Eaves et al (2005).

Job Grounding is a more sophisticated version of time-out that involves the child losing all of his or her privileges (grounding) until one job around the house has been successfully completed. Thus, the child is “timed-out” from all positive activities until calming down and completing a chore of the parent’s request. If he chooses to be angry for 3 minutes or 3 hours before completing the chore, then the time-out would be for 3 minutes or 3 hours, giving the responsibility to the child for how long the time-out/job grounding will continue.

5. Use other strategies to teach children new skills
Time-out will not be successful if it is used as a means of teaching a child a new skill. Most parents would agree that sending a child to time-out, for not being able to tie her shoes is ridiculous, yet the parent may not recognize this as a skill that the child has not yet been trained to do.

There are many social behaviors that also need to be taught with strategies instead of time-out. For example, if a child is constantly interrupting, it is not safe to assume that the child knows how to get their parents attention without blatantly interrupting. Similarly, if a child is not accustomed to sharing his toys with another child, sending him to time-out for not sharing is not the same as teaching him how to share. Both interrupting and sharing were covered in a previous article on the DBP Web site (Christophersen and Mortweet, 2002, Teaching skills that reduce the need for discipline).

6. Be consistent
As with any discipline strategy, consistency is important if the strategy is to succeed. For time-out, this consistency should be across how time-out is implemented, what behaviors result in a time-out, and for all main caregivers of the child. The way time-out is to be implemented should be well thought out and, if a child has multiple regular caregivers, perhaps even written down.

The “rules” of time-out can describe the role of the adult as well as the expected role of the child. For example, the length of time-out should be defined such as “time-out is over when Grace is quiet for 30 seconds.”

The behaviors that result in a time-out should also be clearly defined and agreed upon by caregivers. Children learn best from repetition and thus consistent time-out consequences by an adult for the same behavior will help them learn more quickly that such behavior is not acceptable. In short, all adults who are responsible for disciplining the child should be using the time-out the same way and for the same behaviors. This is especially true for babysitters and relatives with frequent contact. It can be very difficult to get time-out to work if a babysitter or grandmother always “saves” your child by letting them out of time-out or not sending them at all.

Conclusion
Time-out as a discipline strategy is undoubtedly here to stay. On the one hand, given the amount of research that supports the effectiveness of time-out, the practitioner who chooses to recommend the use of time-out has a solid empirical base for doing so. On the other hand, the popular press, which typically has no rules of evidence, has taken such liberties with time-out that the practitioner has to be prepared to counter some of the misconceptions that have been offered to the reading public. The authors have a resource published by the American Psychological Association that may be useful for parents and practitioners who are interested in more details about time-out and other helpful parenting strategies (Christophersen & Mortweet, 2003).

When parents come to us looking for discipline strategies to guide their children, they are often so focused on what to do about negative behavior that they forget to even notice positive behavior. By the time they ask their child’s practitioner about time-out, they often state that is does not work for their child and that they would like something new and more powerful to try.

Parents are often looking for the proverbial “cattle prod.” They want a form of discipline that requires no prior thought, that can be used on a moment’s notice, that is effective almost immediately, and is permanent. Unfortunately for those parents, no form of discipline actually works that way. We have found that ultimately the most effective way to get time-out to work for parents is to focus on time-in. As with the early parent training work, spending some quality time discussing, monitoring, and evaluating the time-in a child experiences goes a long way in improving the success of time-out.

One caveat to the time-out research is that most of it has been done on children with mildly inappropriate behaviors. Thus, recommendations for time-out are best started early, before the child has extreme behaviors.

If a child’s behaviors seem dangerous or out of the parent’s control, a referral to a mental health professional may be warranted. It is not unusual for parents to give up on time-out when it does not work instantly. Thus, frequent monitoring by a caring practitioner can be helpful in sorting out whether the parent needs more direction regarding time-in and time-out or whether more intensive behavioral intervention may be needed.

It is simply not adequate to tell a parent to use time-out and then not revisit the issue unless the parent comes back in a crisis. Parents will be most successful with time-out (or any discipline strategy) if follow-up is provided along with knowledge of the behavioral basics.

via: http://www.dbpeds.org/articles/detail.cfm?TextID=739

When Your Kid Ignores You

How to get your toddler to listen to you – without being a nag
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By Heather Johnson Durocher

Jamie Nolan, 3, knows he has to get ready for bed — his mom has told him so several times — but he won't budge from his train set. "He just ignores me when he's concentrating on that track," says his mother, Robin, of Raleigh, NC.

Your child's seemingly selective hearing may be totally aggravating, but it's also normal, says Alison Steier, Ph.D., clinical director of the Arizona Institute for Early Childhood Development in Phoenix. Toddlers can get so absorbed in what they're doing that nothing else registers. They're also developing their sense of self, and blatantly ignoring you to do what they want is part of the process.

To get your child to listen to you without being a nag:

Get his attention. Look him in the eye, gently place your hand on his arm, and give him specific directions — "It's time to stop and go to bed" versus "Can you stop playing now?"

Be consistent. If you say you're going to leave the park in five minutes, do it (rather than staying to chat with another mom after that time limit). Otherwise, your child will learn that your requests can be put off.

Use humor. That's what Robin Nolan does. "When Jamie ignores me, I call him 'broken ears' and look inside them. He laughs, and next time, he listens."


via: http://www.parenting.com/parenting/child/article/0,19840,1631525,00.html?topic=12065