Oh, the little angels...well, most the time anyway.

written by Nadine Clifton

Today I want to talk about the very precise timing that children have. Because most temper tantrums don't come along when you are sitting on the couch, relaxing with a cup of coffee and you would actually have the time and the patience to deal with a screaming child.
No, we all know that on the day when you have the most stuff to day, racing from one thing to the next, stressing out to the last of your abilities! Everything will go great, you just have one more stop and then you can go home and unwind, because your strength has really been worn out for the day. Just a few items to pick up from the store...and then you are done, and really you are done!
Just as you are almost at the end of your day, your precious little angel, that has been so great all day, decides: Hey, after this much sunshine, we are going to have a little bit of rain, mom!
There you are, in the store, a screaming child in front of you, you feel like the whole world is looking at you, whispering about your skills as a parent, and you feel your last bit of patience slipping away.
We have all been there! You feel helpless and there is this feeling starting up in the pit of your stomach...frustration! How do you deal with your child in a situation like this, without causing an even bigger scene?

Well, first of all: It doesn't matter what other people think! Ignore them!

The most important thing is to keep cool. Take a deep breath and try to think clearly. Keep your frustration under control, because you are showing your child in this situation how to deal with frustration. So, spanking or any other form of physical punishment is the wrong choice for this problem!

Don't start negotiating, yelling or worst or all giving them what they want! If one tamper tantrum works for a little on, then there will be a whole lot more and they will be worse every time!

Sometimes simply ignoring the child's tantrum can be very affective. Just go about your duties as if there wasn't a screaming little terror right next to you. I know that can be hard, but it has proven to work in many cases. One thing you want to keep in mind for younger children is to never leave them behind, while ignoring them. That will put a feeling of abandonment right on top of all the other overwhelming feelings they are already experiencing, so just stay within sight.

While ignoring their big fit, try to distract them. My son has, on several occasions, started to throw a nice fit and I just started looking for things that might capture his attention. So if I would see a fire truck or a puppy or a picture of Elmo...anything to distract them.
Try to involve them, like: "Should we buy the cereal with strawberries or the one with raisins?" Don't ask: Should we buy cereal?" The answer to that will be: NO
However, be careful not to point to something they are going to want to have immediately! Do not reward if the tantrum stops! You do not want your child to think that this type of behavior gets him rewards!

If the ignoring and the distracting doesn't work, then there is only one thing left to do: Take them out of the situation! Take them to the car, or a quiet room or corner and talk to them. By the time kids are put into a different situation, they have already calmed down a lot, and it'll be easier to talk about what happened. If they haven't calmed down, then sometimes you just have to wait for a little while, because while throwing a tantrum, there is no reasoning with a child!

Let us take a quick look at why kids throw tantrums. If you know the reason behind the big outbreak of frustration it will be easier for you to put yourself in their shoes and understand them a little better.
There are a few things that can set of a tantrum:

~exhaustion, if you kids are tired the tantrums will come much easier and without much warning

~Hunger

~seeking attention, and if your child wants attention bad enough, it doesn't matter to them what they get. Either positive or negative attention are fine with them.

~Frustration! They feel like the whole world is against them, they can't get something or someone they want, they don't know how else to express it....

To avoid such tantrums in public, keep a few things in mind:
If you have a really busy day ahead of you try to prepare your child. I like to tell my son the list of things that we have to do the next day and at the end of the list I will put something fun like: bank, post office, haircut, lunch with daddy, shopping, vet and then ice cream with mommy, or go to the playground or the park...
anything that will stick in your child's head. And then the next day my son knows what is next, because the whole evening before he will repeat the list and and the end his voice will get all high and squeaky when he tells everyone what he can do the next day.

Try not to pack your days too full. Children get tired and when your child is already grumpy and tired before you go to the store, then unless you absolutely have to go skip the store and go the next day. It is hard for a child to keep up with an adult-schedule.

Good luck and let me know if you have helpful hints to the matter.