Logical approach brings love into discipline

Key to method:
Involve children in decision-making

By Kathryn Richert
Enterprise Staff Writer

Four years ago, Principal Larry Leatherman was fed up with disciplining kids who entered his office.
He said his accusatory, in-your-face style of discipline wasn't working for him or his students.
That was until he welcomed Love and Logic ion his normally tense office at Emerald Elementary School.
When he learned about the Love and Logic style of parenting and educating, he was skeptical, but he gave it a chance out of desperation. What he learned were practical ways of disciplining he thought could work.
Essentially, the Love and Logic program provides discipline alternatives during those unpleasant times when adults have to face kids who don't want to go to bed or don;t want to pick up their toys or don't want to play nice on the playground.
Instead of yelling, which causes stress for kids and adults, Love and Logic teaches alternatives to help parents and kids feel in control of the situation, Leatherman said.
One of the philosophies behind the program, founded in 1977 by former school principal Jim Fay, is kids respond best to discipline when they're given choices.
Leatherman took the practical advice to heart.
If children are sent to his office for fighting, for example, instead of immediately going into mean principal mode, he lets them talk. he listens and responds in an empathetic voice, "Ahh, man. What a bummer."
Then he gives the responsibility back to the students, telling him it is not his problem and they need to fix it, but he's there to help.
He uses key phrases such as, "What do you think about this?" and "How can you fix this?"
He gives them choices, explaining that kids in similar situations have been expelled or been held back grade. He asks the kids what the you think about that. He gives consequences, not punishment options, which makes them feel less threatened and like they are in charge. In tun, Leatherman said, there is less of a power struggle.
When kids feel like adults are on their side, they are more likely to remedy the situation themselves, he said.
"It's not a cure-all," Leatherman said. "But,it works. I use it almost every single day."

Another philosophy of the approach is that love and empathy are the best ways to discipline so a problem can be turned into a learning experience.

Parents might say, "I love you to much to fight," Leatherman said.

Using Love and Logic, adults set firm rules, but they don't lecture or threaten, Leatherman said.

Leatherman believes in the program so much, he became a certified Love and Logic instructor. For the past three years, he's provided free classes using videotapes, discussions and other activities for parents and educators at Emerald.

Donna Schatz is another adult who was tired of yelling, so the Broomfield mother of two enrolled in Joanna Stith's six-week Love and Logic course.

Schatz said implementing the principles she learned in Stith's six-week course has been challenging, especially with a 2-year-old. But she said she's already seen the effects.

When her 2-year-old son recently ripped the nose off his sister's stuffed, rocking dog, instead of yelling and putting him in time out,Schatz said in an understanding voice, "That's not being very nice. You hurt her. I think you're going to have to help me fix it."

To Schatz's surprise, it worked. her son helped her tape the dog's nose back on without tears and without a fight.
Using the method, kids still learn there are consequences to their actions, but without the headache so many parents face when reprimanding, Stith said.

Stith, who recommends the class for parents with children ages 3 to 16, said the key is to instill lessons early to help kids' make the right choices when they are older.

"The basis of this is to build that relationship with your child," so that when your child is faced with drinking, not bedtime, he or she will make the right choice, she said.


This was send to me not too long ago out of a newspaper in the Denver, Colorado, area.
I find this concept very interesting and I must say that it is very close to my concept of Communication, Choice and Consequence.
I think the Love and Logic concept has wonderful points and I can't wait to hear what you think about it. Let's open this discussion!